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May 24, 2021

Relic Project: "Guide"/Legends of Mynn 1: Characters

Alright, something to know about me if you didn't already: I love games. I always have. I always grew up thinking I'd be a video game designer in the future, and I wasted no time in my childhood investing in that future. I would draw screenshots of games I was going to make, complete with UI. I would write Warcraft II-style manuals for games, describing units and abilities and everything without even designing the game first. And then, there were projects like this.

It's a .txt file simply called "Guide," and apparently it's a walkthrough / README for a game I was going to make someday. The date stamp of the file is 2006, which is unfortunate, because that must have been either when I accidentally updated it or moved it from one computer to another and the original date got overwritten, because I wrote it much earlier—I'm guessing around 2000 or 2001. Maybe earlier though.

I'm so glad it's survived up to this point, though. It's such an interesting look at my early child game designer mind. I remember picturing the characters in my head and how they would look (of course in pixely graphics because that's just what I thought computer graphics looked like by definition), but not so much how the game worked, as you'll see in its descriptions. I know it seems to have been inspired by some aspects of Lords of Magic, but the way combat is described in the walkthrough and moves list are confusing.

It's funny how thorough I am in every aspect of it, though I neglected to come up with an actual title for the game. Though some parts are impressive, it's clear that I had no idea how games were created. It's cute how I even came up with cheat codes for it and descriptions for how to use the "Level Editor." I always loved when games came with editors.

Anyway, presenting "Guide," or "Legends of Mynn" or whatever it might have ended up to be. I've restructured things for easier reading here to get a better idea of how I intended it to be red, but I've preserved the wording for the most part. Today I'll just highlight the characters in the game.


1. The Characters

All characters have 200 energy and/or mana points each.


Age: 40
Health: 140/140
Type: Arch-Warrior
Weapon: Axes

Graivalas (gri-VOL-oss) was a loyal guard for Mynn until he decided to lead a more interesting life. Then he served the King as their delegate and arch-warrior.

  • Slice. Swings his axe real hard straight forward for 40 damage. (40 EP)
  • Split. Swings his axe real hard at a selected angle for 40 damage. (50 EP)
  • Fury. Swings two axes in an "X" motion, dealing 60 damage. (80 EP)
  • Hurl. Throws a big axe forward for 80 damage. (90 EP, 10 damage to self)
Special Attacks:
  • Wave Spin. Spins a big axe in a circle around him and fires a big fire wave for 90 damage. (90 EP)
  • Liquify. Set a number. Graivalas deals that much damage to the enemy and to himself. (0 EP)


Age: 91
Health: 100/100
Type: Wizard
Weapon: Staff/Magic

Falamorr (fal-UH-mar)* is the head Mage in the Mynn Mage tower. Each day he researches long hours in the Arcane Arts and learns magic.

  • Jab. Pokes an enemy with his staff for 10 damage. (10 EP)
  • Ball Lightning. Shoots a ball of lightning straight forward, dealing 40 damage. (10 EP, 30 MP)
  • Bolt. Shoots a ball of lightning at a selected angle, dealing 40 damage. (20 EP, 30 MP)
  • Thunder Ball. Just like Ball Lightning but bigger, and deals 50 damage. (10 EP, 40 MP)
  • Tempest. Conjures a storm that fills up the whole screen, dealing 60 damage to enemies. (70 MP)
Special Attacks:
  • Kamikaze. Uses all but one of your HP and kills three enemies. (99 damage to self)
  • Double Thunder Ball. Fires two Thunder Balls at selected angles, dealing 70 damage each. (90 EP, 40 damage to self)


Age: 18
Health: 110/110
Type: Archer
Weapon: Crossbow

The only daughter of Ghavius, Taion (TIE-onn) is an almost fully experienced archer and serves as the second-in-command Mynn Guard.

  • Bolt. Fires her crossbow straight forward for 10 damage. (20 EP)
  • Pray. Restores 90 hit points to an ally. (30 EP)
  • Holy Tear. Instantly kills an enemy. (200 EP, 30 damage to self)**
Special Attacks:
  • Boomerang. Throws her crossbow as a boomerang straight forward, dealing 50 damage to three enemies. (50 EP)
  • Beamerang. Throws her crossbow as a boomerang at a selected angle, dealing 60 damage. (60 EP)
  • Firedart. Shoots a flaming arrow straight forward, dealing 70 damage. (90 EP)


Age: 82
Health: 150/150
Type: Swordsman
Weapon: Daggers

Ghavius (Jay-vee-us) is the father of Taion and Yorak. He is said to be part-animal because of his incredible sense of hearing.

  • Hurl. Throws a dagger straight forward for 40 damage. (10 EP)
  • Cut. Slices the enemy for 50 damage. (20 EP, 10 damage to self)
  • Stab. Stabs the enemy in the back for 80 damage. (40 EP)
  • Holy Tear. Instantly kills an enemy. (200 EP, 30 damage to self)**
Special Attacks:
  • Kamikaze. Uses all but one of your HP and kills three enemies. (99 damage to self)
  • Swing. Swings a sword real hard at a selected angle, dealing 60 damage. (90 EP)†


Age: 30
Health: 130/130
Type: Sorcerer Apprentice
Weapon: Magic

Yorak (YOR-ick) started his life as a swordsman, but when he wasn't accepted, he decided to become a Sorcerer. He is an apprentice now.

  • Fireball. Shoots a fireball straight forward for 30 damage. (20 MP)
  • Flame Arrow. Shoots an arrow-shaped fireball in a selected angle, dealing 30 damage. (30 MP)
  • Heal. Restores 90 hit points to an ally. (30 EP)
  • Recharge. Refills 90 MP. (30 EP)
  • Damnation. Fills the screen with fire, dealing 70 damage to enemies. (60 MP, 20 damage to self)
Special Attacks:
  • Smite. Reduces both you and an enemy to 1 hit point. (0 MP)
  • Quicksand. Cuts an enemy's speed in half. (60 MP)
  • Copy. Clones one of your units. (70 MP)


Age: 14
Health: 60/60
Type: Ninja
Weapon: Own body

Quirrion (KWIRR-ee-on) is the youngest of the group. His weapon is his own body. He uses attacks like kick and chop.

  • Kick. Kicks the enemy for 30 damage. (20 EP)
  • Punch. Punches the enemy for 40 damage. (30 EP)
  • Karate Chop. Chops the enemy for 50 damage. (40 EP)
  • Uppercut. Punches the enemy up for 60 damage. (50 EP)
  • Pound. Punches the enemy down for 60 damage. (50 EP)
Special Attacks:
  • Fire Kick. His foot catches fire and he kicks for 70 damage. (60 EP)
  • Lightning Punch. His fist turns to ball lightning and he punches for 80 damage. (70 EP)
  • Spitfire. He spews a flaming spitball that deals 80 damage and drains 50 EP from the enemy. (90 EP, 10 damage to self)


Age: 233
Health: 200/200
Type: Shapechanger
Weapon: Transforming

When he was a young lad, Mardok (MARR-dock) found a magic genie lamp. When he rubbed it and a genie emerged, he wished to live forever. After a few years, Mardok became a traitor to Mynn and now lives in the Mynnhah Catacombs.

  • Goblin. Transforms into a goblin. (10 EP)
  • Troll. Transforms into a troll. (20 EP)
  • Behemoth. Transforms into a behemoth. (40 EP)
  • Dragon. Transforms into a dragon. (80 EP, 80 damage to self)
Special Attack:
  • Jiorii. Transforms into a Jiorii until he or the opponent is dead. (100 EP, 90 damage to self)

*The crap is with this pronunciation? :D I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be FAL-uh-more.
**I'm almost completely certain this was meant to be a Special Attack and the boomerang abilities were supposed to be swapped with this. If not, wow.
†Not sure how I overlooked how gosh-awful this ability is. It costs more than twice what the regular "stab" ability does and deals less damage. I still don't get what the "selected angle" is and why it's more costly in general.

May 6, 2021

Dubbing Differences: The Little Mermaid

 Dubbing Differences:
The Little Mermaid

I found the following notable changes in the Brazilian Portuguese dub of Disney's The Little Mermaid:

  • The seahorse names Sebastian as “Horacio Felício Ignácio Crustáceo Sebastian.”
  • Flounder’s name is Linguado, the literal translation of “flounder.”
  • Scuttle’s name is Sabidão, which means “wisdom.”
  • Scuttle’s word for the “dinglehopper” is “brungumzumba.” A similarly nonsensical word.
  • Scuttle’s word for the “banded, bulbous snarfblatt” is “beautiful, rare ximbaco.” Just another nonsense word.
  • Flotsam and Jetsam are named Pedro and Juca.
  • Sebastian: “Adolescences. You give them a finger, and they want the entire arm.”
  • Sebastian calls Ariel a “crazy little girl” instead of a “headstrong teenager.”
  • Ariel: “Look at these things here. Precious.” Instead of “You want thingamabobs? I’ve got twenty.”
  • Grimsby omits the phrase “very expensive” when presenting Eric’s birthday gift.
  • Instead of saying "you old bean-pole!" Eric says "You sneaky devil!"
  • Eric: “It’s a beautiful present” instead of “It’s really something.”
  • Eric says “The princess of Redport” instead of “The princess of Glowerhaven.”
  • The sailor is silent for his first line “Hurricane’s a-comin’!”
  • “Under the Sea”’s chorus phrase ranges from saying “here in the sea” to “where I was born” (the phrase, “onde eu nasci,” rhymes with the English phrase “under the sea”)  and “where I grew up.”
  • The section on “Under the Sea” about all the different fish puns is very different, except for “the carp plays the harp” (carpa and harpa are fortunate translations). Among the differences are:
    • “The fruit of my neighbor looks better than mine” (instead of “the seaweed is always greener…”)
    • “The plaice below I don’t think has the best sound
    • No one plays badly, not even the cod.”
    • Even the salmon goes to the salon.”
    • “Each little mollusk that I look for knows how to play.”
    • Even the slug comes out of its shell to dance.”
    • The little snail takes a little nap.”
  • Ariel, to the Eric statue: “You want to go out with me?” instead of “run away with me.”
  • Triton: “I consider myself a reasonable king. I make certain laws, and I expect them to be obeyed!” This is much more politically official than the father figure approach in English.
  • Triton: “I’m going to end this” instead of “I’m going to get through to you.”
  • Ursula: “Don’t lurk in the doorways. It’s ugly” instead of “It’s rude.” Possibly a lipsyncing change because the word for ugly is feio.
  • Ursula: “A girl who doesn’t talk is what he loves” instead of “They think a girl who gossips is a bore.” I like these positive/negative switches.
  • Carlotta says that’s the first time she’s seen Eric laugh in months instead of weeks.
  • Most of Chef Louis’s exclamations when he is chasing Sebastian are undubbed.
  • Chef Louis says “Pardon, madame” in French instead of Portuguese.
  • Triton says “no stone unturned” instead of “no coral unexplored.”
  • Sebastian: “First, we must create the climate” instead of “the mood.” This does not lipsync well.
  • The lines of the song “Kiss the Girl” are surprisingly close to exact translations.
  • Instead of saying “You silly side-walker,” Scuttle says “Did you hear what I said?
  • The priest says “Let’s begin the ceremony” instead of “Dearly beloved…”
  • Instead of saying “You pitiful, insignificant fools!” Ursula says “You fools think you can defy me?

May 1, 2021

Calories Must Die! The Warmage Workout

I've been wanting to get into shape for some time, especially with being stuck working from home because of COVID, so I bought a couple of 10-pound weights and started following a workout video on YouTube. The video was great for beginners, and it followed a great balance of working out each muscle group. The problem was, the video got old. I'm not interested in hollow encouragement and banter, and I could only stand hearing the coach crack the same joke so many times before getting in shape just wasn't worth it. So I got an idea.

What does interest me? Video games. What gets my blood pumping? The video game Orcs Must Die! Whose voice don't I get tired of? The main character on the game, the Warmage, as he goes through killing orcs! So I spent way too many hours rotoscoping the coach of that workout video into the Warmage, adding exciting, blood-pumping music and the Warmage's banter to the video, and pronto! An almost too-perfect video for myself to work out to on a consistent basis. Seriously, how perfect is it that the songs have ending stings so I could customize the length of each workout, and that each sound effect has a place in the video?

I'm also fairly impressed with how I doctored the logo and stuff with special effects, if I do say so myself. Anyway, I do this workout three times a week, and it's mainly made for my own use, but feel free to follow it as well! I was hoping Robot Entertainment would get a kick out of it, since it almost seems like something they would actually make, but no dice. Oh well. It was fun to make and it does its job well!

Note: The only change I make to this workout is replacing the first exercise with 1 minute of planking. The more I've tried those "crushers," the more I suspect they don't actually work any muscles out. And I could use more ab honing.