Relic Speech/Essay: Zerzo Seewok

This is a speech I wrote in my speech class way back in 2005. The prompt was to create "Zerzo Seewok," which could be anything. It was a imaginative exercise where basically anything goes, and you would explain what Zerzo Seewok was, how you found it, its characteristics, and so forth. The delivery of this speech didn't go so well, and the prose definitely hasn't aged well (this was back when I thought that talking like an 1800s poet sounded cool) but it was fun to write. I'm also tempted to someday adapt it to an SCP Foundation entry someday.

Zerzo Seewok

One particularly hot summer day after work, I arrived home with a great thirst, as usual. Fetching a glass for myself of the kitchen’s standard warm, metal-tasting water, I cracked open an ice-cube tray and placed three ice cubes into the glass. I swirled it once to distribute the coldness they produced, and took a sip to test.

To my surprise, the water was no longer hard, and the single swirl had made the drink ice-cold. Another drink proved that one of the ice cubes, unlike the other two, sank to the bottom to avoid getting in the way of my teeth. Upon examination, that cube appeared flawless and angled, whereas the others were somewhat rounded, and cracked from contact with the water.

I drank the rest of the refreshing drink freely, impressed at how it improved my mood. Simple cares of the day seemed meaningless. There would be a retake for the trigonometry test. I had passed my speech. Barely.

It had to be the ice cube. I took it from the empty glass. Unlike the wet lumps left behind, this perfect trapezoidal prism was as smooth and frozen as a fresh one from the freezer. It appeared different to the eye, as well. Instead of a normal, clear color, this ice cube was the color of frosted glass. No outline of rigid frost was painted on its facets. Each side was purely colored, evenly frosted.

I filled another glass, and tasted it at first. Metallic was its flavor, and warm as mud.

I plunked the cube into it, and just as it made a ripple, I raised the drink to my lips. Instant was its effect on the water; purified and cool with a mere instant of contact.

I had a sudden idea I wanted to try. I took a mug from the cupboard, and turned the red handle of the faucet. A short time for a wait, and white steam rose in the air from the sink. I filled the mug with hot water, and held the cube aloft. I watched the bubbling liquid for a moment or two, and let loose the special ice cube. The ripple from the splash was the last the water ever moved. With a test from my finger, the water was proven cold, and flawless the cube! I drank the water from the mug, marveling again at the water’s happiness-inducing powers.

What scientific process, I thought, could a simple ice cube use to instantly change water to a set temperature, perfect for drinking? And, at that, force the body of its water’s drinker to release endorphins and improve their mood? Had this ever happened before, to anyone else?

Seeing the undamaged ice cube in the previously boiling mug, I decided to see if a non-liquid heat source could melt it. I went outside and left it lying on the doorstep in broad sunlight, and set my watch timer to go off in fifteen minutes.

When I went out again ten minutes later (I had a hard time waiting), I was surprised and annoyed to find my neighbor’s dog on the doorstep, with the ice cube — on its tongue. When it saw me, its tail began wagging abnormally fast. It ran around in a million circles and did several backflips. The ice cube was giving it an extreme measure of ecstasy, and the already spastic dog was being pushed to its body’s limits. It ran away like a torpedo across the street, and I never saw it or the ice cube ever again.

Fortunately, however, a cold soda from the fridge is a great way to have a delicious drink that makes you happy temporarily. And to this day, no one believes me about Zerzo Seewok, the Immortal Ice Cube. Do you?