Austin's Thoughts #1

I went through my old status updates on Facebook and, not to brag, but I seem to be my wittiest when communicating in that form! Some of the statuses I found were borderline Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. I'll be sharing them in droves here now and then, showcasing my favorites. Some of them might not make sense unless you know me or the time I was going through when I updated, but others will hopefully be universally enjoyed.

On Food:

• Dang, I'm hungry. You know that sucking sound toilets make the second all the water stops spinning and rushes down? I think that's what my stomach just did.
• I nearly fried my eyelid this morning... but the sausage omelet was totally worth it.
• If anything edible wants an upgrade, just add a flavor made of any combination of cheddar, jalapeño, bacon, and/or ranch.
• For lunch today I took two microwave burritos and wrapped them together in a tortilla. It was a Double Burrito Burrito.
• The only thing that would make me like Spitz® Sunflower Seeds more is if I had hamster cheek pouches.
• My dream has always been to go to a restaurant and get a drink, appetizer, entree, and dessert. (sigh) But I'm being ridiculous.
• Sometimes I like to read cookbooks just for fun.
• I am never Google image-searching "Steak dinner" on an empty stomach again.